11 things to know about gossipers and how to save yourself

Most of the time the reason why you find yourself or others gossiping is because they have a huge insecurities about their own thoughts their own values and gossip is a way to get validation on their thoughts and values.

This is how modern society actually functions we are always trying to pin point issues in everything just to show (thats how we feel) that we are aware or may be we care. But it actually end up in a goosip.

In this blog we are going to talk about what actually gossip is how it sometime put yourself and others in jeprody. Also, how you can save yourself from the stress and negativity it causes.

The truth about gossip is, if there is anyone who says they don't gossip, they are potentially lying to you and to themselves.

This is one thing everyone is guilty of.

If someone actually doesn’t gossip about someone , then they keep gossiping about the people around them who gossip. We live in a social environment and it’s natural to talk about others, and sometimes you say something that you shouldn’t have and it turns into gossip.

How does a conversation become a gossip-

Jasmine tells her best friend Jack about how her really professional and gentleman manager asked her out and when she said NO, he gracefully accepted it, and never brought it up. Jack tells her sister Sia (a gossiper) about it. Sia happens to have a lot of common friends in Jack’s and Jasmine's office. Now, this is a point of conversation, if you have played the game “Chinese whisper”. Where the first word in the circle is A and the last word that comes out is X.

How this might turn out is, "I believe Jasmine and her boss has a thing going on". Well, that's definitely not good for Jasmine.

How I see it is, there are two types of gossip:

1. Good Gossip

2. Bad Gossip Let’s look at an example to understand;

“Did you hear about the presentation, Mark gave to the shareholders, they were so amazed, I think they are going to promote him. Isn’t that great!” Yeah, that's a good gossip! Let’s look at another one;

“Look at David I always see him sniffing around his boss, I heard he was with him this weekend, I think that clears up why he is getting so much recognition. Lucky Basterd!” Oh yeah, well, that’s something which is bad gossip.

Everyone feels about things how they see it right, but reflecting on it publicly without doing any fact checking or lack of information may put the person you are talking about or sometimes yourself in Jeopardy.

I have a rule, every time I feel like I am going to say something negative about someone without having much context, I bite my tongue and this gives a trigger to my brain to get control and filter and review what I am going to say(which I might regret) we are all human, and sometimes you get so engrossed you end up saying something which you regret later on. I have been practicing "biting the tongue" thing for almost 10 months now. ITS ALL ABOUT PRACTICE AND BEING ATTENTIVE to what you gonna say…

It all comes back

Remember that day, when you had a good long discussion with your boss/colleague/friend and you find yourself thinking about that conversation in your bed. And suddenly you start introspecting (it's better if you do) and you feel “shoot.. Why did I say that, now he/she/they will tell everyone what I said it ” Or "what will they think of me".

And there goes a good night’s sleep out of the window.

I personally do not think there is a way to absolutely stop yourself from saying anything negative about anything or anyone because there is a silver lining between feedback / discussion and gossip. But you can create a bias and know what to say and what not to.

Three things I do to make sure I have a higher success rate against gossip: 1) If someone is gossiping (bad) around me, I try and change the topic and it helps change the flow of conversation and it almost always works, but you don't always have something to break off that hot, steamy, hard-to-resist gossip; if you dont move to the next point

2) It’s okay if you choose not to be a part of it. Quite often bad gossip is information about someone which is private , that gets out in the open. When its not that its just spiced up information which is potentially lack evidence of truth. Also, there are a few things you don’t wish to know about people you really admire or like and it's okay that you don’t know about it. So choose not to listen, take your mug of coffee and move… It’s okay.. Trust me, no one gets offended if you don’t wanna be a part of the gossip, they will simply find someone else to gossip with. You just need to try not be rude about not wanting to be a part of it. This way now they have someone who enjoys gossiping with, and most importantly they’d know you are no good for that gossip.

I really admire one of buddha's sayings that say-

Do not give attention to what others do or fails to do; give attention to what you do or fail to do

3) Let’s say leaving the table is not an option (that happens to me the most), choose to be quiet, if someone says “what do you think?” just say “I don’t know couldn't care less” or you can just “no comments” might sound lame, but try it and 99% of the time you will be able to defuse it.

The 1% you are thinking about, well, knowingly or unknowingly you are already enjoying it, and you feel its just a discussion but turns out to be gossip.

I am not against people who gossip, the goal is to understand what gossip does , how it affects and how to identify a gossip and a gossiper:

1. If they are gossiping with you, they are definitely gossiping about you.

2. It actually fills you with a lot of anxiety and negativity.

3. People who gossip is never perceived as “absolutely” trust worthy.

4. Being a gossiper, If you sit with people who actually have productive conversations you’ll not have much to offer.

5. People who gossip have lack of concentration

6. Always try to dig negative things about the people around them

7. They are perceived as entertainers of the group not the smartest bunch in the group

8. They’ll often make you look bad if they are called out for being a gossip

9. Lying, is art for them

10. They will never agree to the fact that they gossip, they push back and will even get offended cuz they have low self-esteem.

11. They have a high urge for attention and sometimes they will cook up things just to be in the center of the conversation

Why is it dangerous to hang out with people who gossip:

1. If you spend enough time with smokers you will end up having those harmless puffs or two and you'll never find out when you started buying that pack. Having said that, if you hang around with people who gossip you will become a gossip. Note: Your company defines you.
   

2. Even worse, If you don’t gossip and hang around with people who do, and you are the type of person who cares what others think about you (especially in office settings), my friend you will be called a gossiper.
   

3. You feel drained when you do not have anything to gossip about, and this is definitely not good for mental health.

4. A lot of time you have to live with the burdent of information you dint want to know.

How do people see a person who does not gossip:

1. If you are the one who is not a big mouth, you will be perceived more powerful and sincere

2. People who gossip will not feel too comfortable around you and will always try their best to impress you or in a way to make you feel comfortable this way you actually boost their creative skills and have meaning conversations

3. Sometimes you might be persieved boring, but you do not have anything negative to say about anyone its as simple as that and there is nothing wrong with it

4. You will always be calm, you do not need to seek attention through any information about anyone, you will have conversations that are meaningful.

5. The most powerful Mantra, If you do not gossip you will always be considered more trustworthy and you will see that people find it easy to confide in you, have serious conversations and feel comfortable sharing

6. You will be often prompted for feedback. this is something that can also be accomplished by what I described in my upcoming articles called "power of silence"

"what you say about others says a lot about you"

Finally, talking about how you feel about someone, and what you know about someone is not something you have to carry in your heart, that will make you a ticking time bomb. My thought is to share it with people who are either not related to the people whom you are talking about or people you trust enough to know will not turn that “conversation” into “gossip”. Remember sharing sharing makes you strong and not gossip makes you a target.

“Small-minded people talk about PEOPLE,

Average minded people talk about EVENTS,

Great-minded people talk about IDEAs. ”